Tips for supporting cared for children at Christmas
It's the most magical time of the year for many, but Christmas can be a period of overwhelm and confusion for some children who live in foster care.
With images of festive family occasions at every corner, trauma-experienced children can feel triggered rather than excited, and lonely instead of loved. We're bringing you tips and advice from experienced Foster with North East foster carers for fostering through the festive season.
Considerations for foster carers at Christmas
As a foster carer, flexibility is crucial and even more so at Christmas. You need to be able to adjust to the needs of the children in your care and be aware that change could come at the last possible moment.
Considerations for foster carers at Christmas
Considerations for foster carers at Christmas list
Christmas arrivals
Children may need a safe place to stay any day of the year, and the run-up to Christmas is no exception. Some foster carers tell us they always ensure they have a couple of extra presents wrapped just in case a young person arrives to share their Christmas.
Being apart from parents and other family members can hit even harder at Christmas. Equally, a cared for child may also feel apprehensive about seeing family. All of these emotions can be hard to handle so you need to be prepared for potential tricky moments. Make sure you try not to put too much pressure on yourself, you build some time out for yourself into your plans and you have friends and family as well as experienced social workers on-hand should you need a little extra support.
Not everyone has positive associations around Christmas time. Some cared for children may have little to no experience of the 'traditional' Christmas day or, worse, have bad memories of Christmas Day in their past. Whilst you might want to throw them the 'perfect' Christmas be prepared to have to dial things down a little or change plans if need be.
The chaos of the Christmas period can be overwhelming for any child, but breaks in routine can be even more challenging for children and young people in foster care. Sticking to routines as far as possible can help keep everyone more relaxed.
While we always try to match children with families with the same religious beliefs or cultural background, this isn't always possible. Foster carers are inclusive and respectful of children and young people who may observe different religious festivals. This time of year can be an ideal time to share your traditions and ask about theirs.
The John Lewis Christmas advert in 2022 did an excellent job of raising awareness of Christmas as a foster carer and how to make a foster child feel welcome. We spoke to foster carers to ask about experiences of Christmas.
"One of my friends fostered a young lad and asked him if they could write a Christmas list together ready for Christmas. He asked them what they meant. They explained that at Christmas time, children write down what they might like to get for Christmas. He told them, 'Last year, Mum forgot it was Christmas, so I got a pound and a Pot Noodle'. Viv, Foster Carer.
Gift ideas for foster parents - how much do foster children get for Christmas?
Gift-giving can take a little extra thought as a foster carer at Christmas. While it's only natural to want the children in your care to feel special, receiving piles of gifts can be overwhelming. Use any knowledge you have about past Christmas times as a starting point. Foster carers often spread gift opening over the day or a few days. Christmas can sometimes leave children feeling different, which is why many extended family members of foster families often choose to give gifts to all children in the household, not just birth children.
Three tips for fostering at Christmas
Experienced foster carer Viv shared these three top tips for Christmas as a foster carer.
Involve children, plan activities together and anticipate behaviour challenges.
"I wouldn't go over the top with planning activities because a lot of foster children can't cope with that. You might say you want to do this, and I want to do that and plan some things together. You need to realise that they could get overwhelmed, and it could be too much."
When children stay with you long term, you can build things slowly.
"You can build Christmas up. At the beginning it's easy to think, oh, I want to buy them this because they've had nothing, but it's a lot for the kids to take in and you might be better off starting small."
Remind children of fun, festive times you've shared.
"For one of the children I care for his father died at Christmas, so it's never been a good time. I've got little books and keep photos with all their important dates. I keep notes of what Christmas has been like, what the year has been like. We also take them out in the run-up to Christmas and talk about the things we've done, what we did last year and how nice different things were. We chat about what we can do this year and if we should do the same or different things. It lets him see that he enjoyed himself last year and gives the reassurance of a happy memory."
Are you thinking about starting your fostering journey this Christmas?
If you're ready to explore how fostering can work for you and your family, we're here to help. Our fostering hub and advisers can offer support for the application process and to get you started in fostering. It takes less than a minute to complete our enquiry form to arrange a no-obligation chat or call us on 0800 917 7771.
